| so uh yeah... |
[07|26|06 @ 01 AM] |
i pretty much never write on here anymore... i like to frequent my myspace blog now... so if you ever are on there... check it out.... http://blog.myspace.com/nickie84
... later foo!
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| eh... |
[07|13|06 @ 09 PM] |
so VBS is over now... and i am sad, but yet glad. i have had no social life since it has started... not like i have had much of one my entire life... but this whole week it has been work, VBS, home, sleep. TIRING! Oh well. at least i have had Sarah and KT to keep me company, at least at night time... yeah, so anyway- i really have nothing else to write about, just that i am glad VBS is over... so later!
Nickie
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| quizzes due to boredum... |
[07|02|06 @ 08 PM] |
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nothing |
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 | You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things.
Peter Pan | | 75% | Goofy | | 75% | Ariel | | 69% | The Beast | | 69% | Cinderella | | 69% | Sleeping Beauty | | 63% | Donald Duck | | 56% | Cruella De Ville | | 44% | Pinocchio | | 44% | Snow White | | 38% | </td>
Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com |
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 | You scored as Emo. Your Totaly Emo!
Emo | | 50% | Skater | | 45% | Goth | | 40% | Prepy | | 40% | Rocker, Mosher | | 35% | Trendy | | 35% | Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev | | 10% | </td>
What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy Ect
created with QuizFarm.com |
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 | You scored as Eyes full of Pain. People tend to overlook you, which makes you feel less worthy of their attentions. You sometimes wish you could just disapear from the world around you. You have been hurt very badly in the past and you just wish that someone would understand you, and what their cruelty is doing to you.
Eyes full of Pain | | 83% | Mysterious | | 67% | Diamond Eyes | | 33% | Passion | | 17% | </td>
What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com |
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| rejected... lol |
[07|02|06 @ 12 AM] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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well.. i was trying to be brave and allow my feelings for a certain someone to be known... and well i sent an e-mail... because i dont have enough guts to establish the real rejection of face to face... and well... here is what happened... (names removed to disclose identity... although it might be obvious...)
I know its kind of weird for me to be writing you an e-mail since we see each other almost everyday, and we send each other messages on myspace and whatnot, but I just wanted to e-mail you... because I wanted to get something out...
Anyway- I know you probably already might have known this, but I have kind of liked you for a long time... off and on since my freshman year of college. I know you are probably thinking, why is she telling me now... well because I still do like you. I know this may even come to a surprise to you since we have been such good friends... but I just really felt like i should just get it out so that you would know. I really hope that you and i can still be friends and that nothing will be weird between us... I would hate to ruin our friendship. I know you have had to deal with
telling people how you feel, and then having it turn badly for you, and i didn't really want that to happen, so i figured the easiest way would be through e-mail... i guess i am just afraid to face reality... because i know that we are just friends... nothing more, and that we probably would never be anything more... but I just needed to get it out in the open, so that you know how i have been feeling... anyway- please e-mail me back and let me know what you think... or if its too weird, just pretend that i never sent this e-mail and i will do my best to do the same. :-) Later-
Nickie
Hey Nickie,
Well I wouldn't say I have known but I have had my thoughts about that. Its ok that you send an email, I know it is really hard. I really cherish our friendship and I want that to last forever. I dont see us being anything more though. You are an awesome girl, dont forget that. I know its cliche but someday your prince will come. If you ever feel lonely or like you will never find teh right one, i know I do sometimes, just look to God and He will carry you through. Have an awesome time with your parents and I will see you when we get back.
SO... i guess it wasn't like horribly horrible... and the fact that i am awesome... yeah... its true... and oddly enough... i dont really feel to badly about this whole ordeal... I put myself out there... i was really nervous... and then i read the reply.. i was sad for like 2 seconds... but then i was like... that was really kinda gay nickie... lol... so i guess i will just have to keep searching for my prince charming... or... eh... just give up completely... and then maybe He will just come and sweep me off my feet.... because i wont care about it all... let's see how long this no guy thing lasts though... :-p later
Nickie
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| Home sweet home... |
[06|30|06 @ 09 PM] |
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mood |
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music |
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Food network tv... |
] |
So, I guess i can call this my home right? I am at my parents house in Oklahoma. its a cute little place. I really like it, so far. I have been in the house pretty much all day, but I think we might go exploring around town a little bit tomorrow. I hear that there are some Christian bookstores here, and so I am pretty excited to see what kind of stuff they have... there is a christian clothes store... never heard of that before, but i am excited to see what it is and what kind of clothes they have... lol
Umm... the drive was pretty un-eventful... I am glad to be here though and ready to relax... mmmm.. yeah... well later!
Nickie
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| kfjksdhihenkdjfhdihgkehdfiehtiuhg |
[06|24|06 @ 02 PM] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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so my parents are in OK now... really wish that I were there with them right now... I really miss them a lot... and I really just dont want to be here in Mac today... but no one is really doing anything... so here i sit in the hearthroom doing nothing... as always. its kind of funny because all these ladies form this quilting group came here to the button hole from NE and now, finally, they are leaving.... i bet i will be like that someday when I am old... being in a quilting group traveling from state to state visiting the quilt shops.... lol.... thats just funny. i had the weirdest dream last night... i think it was because i watched some of king kong... but i had this dream that these people were chasing me around trying to shoot me with machine guns... it was weird, i was hiding up close to these buildings and then there was this lady who was trying to shoot me too, but then she decided to help me and we shot this guy... and the bullets would kind of like bounce off, but he died.... so it was weird... and then i was in this nursery type thing putting books on the shelf and THEN it changed and me and Sarah D and someone else were dancing in this alley way and there were these guys who came and were watching us, and these slutty girls were watching too... and they had no shirts or bras on, and we were like you cant dance here unless you have clothes on.... it was weird... then i was all sweaty and hot and this guy came and was talking to me and was like walking with me and he asked me to go with him in this room and he told me i could play with his penis if i wanted to.... i was like ok... and then i woke up... WEIRD... why do i dream things like that.... its just strange... but anyway- umm... yeah... i am done now... maybe i will go find somehting else to do while we sit here... so Later
Nickie....
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| sleepy times |
[06|10|06 @ 07 PM] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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camping was fun.. we thought it was gonna rain a lot cuz it started to... and then it didnt... but we all slept in the back of pauls dad's truck... with the cab thingy... it was fun, but we figured out we might have slept like 2 hours total... which wasn't too cool. so then i was kinda cranky the whole day... so that wasn't too cool for the friends, but it was fun all in all. I like to just get away from mcpherson every now and then, and hopefully this too will be a good week. later
nickie
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| just my thoughts from this week.... |
[06|09|06 @ 02 PM] |
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mood |
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calm |
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so this week has been actually really good... and yet, its like I am still kinda feeling blah at the moment. I dont know what it is, something just makes me think that i have to make sure that everyone else is ok... that everyone is in a good mood... and if they are not, then i feel like i am a failure... like i am not a good friend. why do i feel like that? its not my problem if someone is having a bad day... is it? i didnt do anything to make that person feel badly... or did I? Maybe I am just paranoid... I dont know... anyway... hanging out with kt and sarah c. has been a lot of fun. we havent really been doing much, just hanging out and stuff, just playng croquet and stuff and laughing and having fun with each other and enjoying each others company and just trying to make the best of living in our house with the drinkers.... lol... anyway- guess we are going camping tonight. that should be fun. I dont actually know who all is going, but i think its probably steve, sarah d. paul and I... so it should be a good time. its times like this when i just really wish my parents were in OK right now... so i could just go home for the weekend and not have to do anything or have to really deal with anyone... thats whats gonna be nice when they are there... running away yet again. I think thats something I am good at. eh... i have been reading my bible and doing devotions everynight, and its been good. I have been learning a lot from reading from the old testament. it makes me happy to know that I really do have the discipline to fight temptation when it comes and stay strong in doing what i know is right. glad it has finally decided to make itself evident... at least in reading my bible anyway. dave, is so weird sometimes... i get this feeling that he is all flirty with me, and of course i like that attention, even though its from him... and then the next breath its like he is flirting with KT again... it makes me wonder if a guy will ever truly like me... of if i will always just be the naive one who will just go along with whatever because I can't see what is going on right in front of me... maybe i am not as stupid as i seem though... i know.... anyway- I think i am done with this blog for now... dont really get to check the internet as much as i used to, but i think thats ok too... when i do get on, i should write... like now... lol... anyway- later
Nickie...
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| blah |
[06|05|06 @ 12 AM] |
i hate being sick, and especially in the freakin summer... its the worst... but i guess its not that horrible.... umm this weekend went kinda crazy like.. friday we sarah ch. and I spent the night at laura stamsps house, that was fun... thats when i first started getting sick.. then i went home and slept for a 17 hour period... kinda crazy... then today my friends hung out and stuff... i guess life isnt too horrible. working on my practicum and stuff... it shouldnt be too bad either. just feels like life is not moving forward though... if that makes sense. I dont know.. hmm.. anyway i am getting kinda sleepy, and needing some more drugs.... mmm... drugs! lol... i kinda wish school were starting up again soon just so that... no i take that back... its gonna be so weird when school starts.. anyway- talked to my parents and they will be moving into the new place in OK around June 24.. so thats cool. I think i am gonna take the last 2 weeks in august before school starts off and go down there... it should be fun... anyway- i really should go... nothing too exciting in my life... bye
Nickie
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| ho hum... |
[05|25|06 @ 10 PM] |
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music |
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Ace Ventura 2 Movie |
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so today was a pretty good day i suppose. I had work for 5 hours, and then came home and ate some dinner and then it kinda all went crappy... my dang brain just was acting overly PMSish, and it made me in a bad mood... thinking too much about crap, and just feeling like crap... and it was just not a good time... so i was just being a loner and not really talking to anyone or anything... and that was just not good for me... so i got over it and decided to be social... sarah chaires and i went to walmart and i talked to her about how i was feeling, and it was pretty good to get my feelings out... or at least semi out... anyway... i guess tomorrow we are going camping. it should be fun hopefully it wont be too hot... but i am excited about perhaps going swimming... yeah... well.. anyway i think i am done rambling now... later friends
Nickie
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| move in day... |
[05|21|06 @ 10 AM] |
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mood |
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music |
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buzzing noises... again |
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so today is my last day in the dorm until August... although I am excited for this new "adventure" i am a bit nervous... there are just so many things that make me freak out a little bit... the biggest issue is money. As everyone knows... I am not a saver. when i have money, I usually spend it... and thats not good when I have rent and food to buy this summer. Hopefully I will learn to be frugle... The other issue that I am a bit nervous about is the fact that I will be living with some of my closest friends... these people are ones that I would never want to hurt intentionally.. and I am afraid that being this close to them over a 3 month period might just make us want to kill each other... or it could be super great and we all just get along as normal... The other factor is the whole fact that there are 4 OTHER girls living in the house besides sarah D, sarah c KT and I... that might get a little crazy at times... I know it will all work out... its just stuff that keeps popping into my head... anyway- everything is sitting in the hallway ready to go... first we are going to church, then its moving time... woo hoo... eh... just kidding... i hate moving soooo much :-(
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| *sigh*... its over... |
[05|20|06 @ 06 PM] |
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mood |
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music |
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something good... |
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Graduation is over... now its on to real life. i wonder how it all is going to be for everyone... that was a long ceremony... anyway- moving is going slowly... i still have a carload and then big stuff... so hopefully it will all get done... ok i know it will... just thinking about it is the scary thing i guess. anyway- have a graduation party to go to tonight.... well supposed to be there now... its all good though... i am hungry... anyway- later
nickie
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| blah |
[05|19|06 @ 11 AM] |
so this is the last day of finals.. and i should be super excited that school is almost over, but i still have to pack... and i know its not as much as some people... but i am just not wanting to do anything... then everyone keeps asking me what i am doing this weekend, and i dnt know... i just want to be with my friends who are graduating and move into the house... anyway- i should go do stuff... later!
nickie
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| likin the layout!!! |
[05|19|06 @ 01 AM] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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music |
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freakin loud TV's |
] |
I LOVE THIS LAYOUT!!! yay! its sooo me... sleeping life away... hahaha... anyway- last final tomorrow... super excited... then its SUMMER... i am excited about that... hopefully it will be a good time had by all... lol... later!
Nickie
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| labotomy please... |
[05|17|06 @ 10 PM] |
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mood |
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calm |
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music |
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jackass music... friends laughing |
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yeah... so lately i have had a really hard time just being overly freakin sensitive... even if i dont act like it... i get really offended really often, by like even the stupidest and slightest thing... i dont know why. I am not PMSing or anything, so I dont know what my problem is. so i think that if i were to get a labotomy... maybe it would be better.. i might be paralyzed and might drool all over myself or something, but it might be better than thinking the crap i think, and feeling the crap i feel... oh well...
Today has been a good day though... no sensitive moments... or at least none that made me feel sad. i saw an old friend today... John-Micheal Watson... he is back from Israel... and I talked to him for a few minutes... it was really kind of awkward, but it was nice to talk to him too. anyway- umm what else... oh i have a huge praise... i have like $400 credit money i can go pick up tomorrow from my tuition... that is such a blessing! i am like down to no money, and i dont get paid again until the 30th.. and with this money, i am guaranteed rent money for the summer... so thats awesome. anyway- here is a song that i have been thinking about lately... i think that JEW wrote it for me... so here it is... later
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
Chorus
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
Chorus
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best (do your best), do everything you can (everything you can).
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts) are gonna say.
Chorus
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright.
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| not creative enough for a title.. |
[05|12|06 @ 11 AM] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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HGTV show.. |
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so Oklahoma was fun. I really enjoyed spending the EAARLY morning with Steve... he is a fun guy. so here is what happened on my little escursion... (i think thats spelled wrong)
We left McPherson around like 6pm ish, and got into Oklahoma City around like... 10:30 or so. we met Brian, Dave's friend, and then we had to go to bed, because Dave's surgery was at like 5:30am... yeah, we had to wake up at 4:30... on a Thursday morning! That is my sleep in day... so that was a bummer, but it was ok, because oddly enough i wasn't tired... until like 6pm that night... anyway So we took dave to the hospital and then we decided to go site seeing... but since it was like 5am... nothing was really open... we went to the Oklahoma City bombing memorial thing, it was really impacting... like you hear about all this crap that happens, but you dont realize the depth of it until you are really there.... it was FREEZING cold there though... so we left and went to find something else to do... we found this little park that had a walking path along this little river and we walked around there a little bit. that was pretty fun... by this time it was still only like 6:30-7... so we went and got some breakfast at like the nicest mcdonalds i have ever been in... so that was cool... after that we drove around a little more and then we found this lake that was something Steve had in mind to go see, but we found it on accident... so we threw some rocks in the lake and stuff... and then we decided to go to Wal-mart until other things opened... we were there for like 30-45 minutes... maybe an hour, and then the hospital called, and we had to go get Dave... then we sat at the hospital for like an hour or so learning about how to care for Dave... he was so drugged up... it was funny. we then went to this sports store and then to lunch... after that we went to old navy and then to bass pro shop... got some pictures with Mr. Grizzly and Spirit the fox... hahaha... umm then we were on our way home, and thats when i got freakin exhausted! we got back to Mac around 7... and i took a nap until 9. yeah... so that was pretty much my past weekend so far.. its not over yet though... its only just begun! YAY!
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| he** yeah.... lol.... |
[05|10|06 @ 03 PM] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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nothing really.... TV |
] |
dang Usher movie commerical got that song stuck in my head.
I learned today, that I can whistle annoyingly high through my two front teeth... how exciting!
I dont know if I am going to OKC yet... but I am all packed in case I am. I relaly hope that I can, just so I dont have to go to class tomorrow... ok, so I only have 1 class, but I think it will be fun to skip... even though its pretty much our last class.
I am soooooo excited too though, because I went to check my grade for my last test in biology, which was today, and I got a 90% on it! I haven't gotten a good grade like that in that class EVER! i was so happy! Anyway- I am gonna go to myspace, then its off to work for me... later!
nickie
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| Monday Monday... |
[05|08|06 @ 07 PM] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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TV commercials |
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Yeah, so today has been just a normal Monday... kinda. I felt like I didnt do anything... but its ok. I went on a nice long bike ride again... that was fun. I guess I am going on Wednesday to OK City with Dave and Steve. Dave is getting his 3rd knee surgery, and I guess Steve and I are going to hang out and look at the monuments and stuff. Like I told Sarah, I think it will either be really awkward, or it will be really fun. Dave is probably the only downfall.. but he will be all drugged up... so no worries. well, I think I am gonna go read and hang out in my bed... I am really sleepy today for some reason... I dont know... anyway- later friends
nickie
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[05|05|06 @ 12 AM] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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music |
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Thunder and Lightening- By God |
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Today has been a good day. I didnt accomplish anything in the way of homework, but its alright. I am not too worried. I am sitting here, and its storming.... again. It feels like it has rained for a long time here in good ol Kansas... but I was just realizing just how big God is, because of this storm. I think I sometimes, a lot of times actually, take for granted just how Big He is... He makes the thunder crack and the lightening strike, and I worry about silly stuff like boys all the time. God is so much bigger than boys, and grades and money and life. I wish i could remember that on daily basis...
Yesterday I realized that I needed to do something about not reading my bible... so i started reading from my one year bible again... and today, I actually read too. So 2 days so far! I am pretty excited. I remember Mrs. Wolcott telling us one time that a habit is formed after 14 day of continually doing something... so I want reading through the bible to become a habit. I mean... not just a mundane thing that i do, because I have to, but a habit that i do, because I want to read and learn. Like today for instance... the one year bible has a chapter from the old testament, and then the new testament... and well this chapter I am on is Judges. Maybe I am a bad Christian, or something, but I was reading and I just never knew that sex was blatently spoken about in the bible.... this dude goes to this town, and these nice people tell him and his concubine that he can stay with them... and these evil men come to the door and tell the guy to bring the vistor out so that they can have sex with him. I was kinda shocked! The guy said no, but he gave them his concubine... and then she died because they raped her and beat her... the guy then cut her up and spread her body throughout the 12 tribes.... kinda graphic I would say... I didnt know that stuff was in the bible... I want to learn more stuff like that... stuff that is so interesting, yet you never really hear about in church or sunday school...
Tomorrow is Friday, I am pretty excited about that. I think i really need an attitude adjustment though... I mean... life is going real good with my friends. That counseling session on monday has helped me to be more open and honest with Sarah D. and I think it has helped me feel good about our friendship... hope you feel the same way Sarah... and the whole guy thing.... like with sarah and paul... its awesome.... i dont even feel like jealous or anything anymore... so thats cool... i think its just like 3 people i need to just stop being attitudey towards... coco, elizabeth and hitomi... i seriously hope none of thsee people read this... but its ok... because honestly, its my journal, and i can vent if i need to... these people are super awesome great people, and i can say that i love them... but i just get this vibe when i am around them that just makes me want be mean towards them... and i dont know what it is... weird.... hmmm anyway- I think i am off to myspace... i didnt mean for this to turn into a novel... it just kinda did... ;-) later
nickie
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incognizantme's journal
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